At the beginning of this year, I set myself a list of goals to achieve by the end of 2018. One of the biggest of these goals is to publish a book. It’s a huge step to take, but it’s one I’m getting very, very close to achieving. I’m in the last round of edits. We’re working on the cover and preparing to format the book ready for proofs. I’ve been working on this book for nearly 6 years and I am so, so close to being finished with it that sometimes I can hardly believe it’s real. I am super excited. And at the same time, as I get closer and closer to finishing this book, I start to feel a touch of self-doubt.
I start to doubt whether the book will be good enough, even though I have put literally years of work into it, I start to doubt whether I’m a good enough writer, even though I have nearly 10 years experience and a writing degree under my belt. I start to doubt whether anyone is actually going to enjoy the book, even though everyone who’s ever read it has had only encouraging things to say about it, even when critiquing it (my beta readers have been just the BEST).
Self-doubt isn’t very logical.
As a creative person, it’s hard not to doubt sometimes. When you make something, you put so much of yourself into it. You pour hours of time, beads of sweat, sleepless nights and pieces of your soul. Other people can help you, but in the end, this is your project, and it’s the work you put into it that makes it good. A lot of the time, we’re too close to our work to be able to judge it properly. There’s no such thing as objectivity when you spend so many hours trying to perfect a book that all you can see are flaws that need fixing. We get so deep into our work that it’s easy to start doubting.
But there is a semi-good side to self-doubt too. Not in the actual doubt, which, as I am finding is neither logical nor comfortable. Its worth is in what it tells you about yourself and what you’re making. If you’re doubting that your creative project is good enough, it means that it’s important to you. It means something. This isn’t something that you’ve just knocked together and don’t really care about the outcome. If it matters that much to you, you’ve put your heart and soul into creating it. If you’ve been doubting yourself, then you’ve put in hours of work trying to perfect it. You might be doubting your project, but that means it is worth pursuing, and finishing, because you care so much.
Dealing with self-doubt is part of being a creative person. Pushing through it is as much part of the battle as actually creating in the first place. If you’re in the self-doubt trenches at the moment, then I sympathize with you. I’m there too. But, one thing we can be absolutely certain of is that, no matter what self-doubt is telling you, whether it’s trying to make you believe that you’re not good enough, or that you should never share your work, what you should take away from it is this: What you have made matters. It’s worth something. It’s important. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t care. so. much. about whether it’s good enough. The very fact you care enough to doubt yourself is the very reason you need to keep going. Self-doubt is part of being a creative. But it shouldn’t be what stops you from sharing your work with the world.
