I have this lovely, rosy view of what my perfect writing day should like. In my ideal day, I rise early, brew a cup of tea and open my manuscript, putting an hour of work into my latest book as the sun rises, before dressing and heading off to my day job, glowing in the accomplishment of having already made progress. On my way home from work, I eagerly anticipate the moment when I can open the lid of my laptop and crush some more tasks off my to-do list, churning out brilliant blog posts, writing perfect back cover copy, and reading books that will inspire and empower me to grow in my creative life. In this ideal world, I am so excited and passionate about my writing that it carries me on late into the night, before finally turning in, basking in the satisfaction of another successful writing day.
The reality unfortunately looks very little like my perfect day. I drag myself out of bed in the morning, with just enough time to dress and put my make-up on before eating breakfast in the car on the way to work, because getting up ten minutes earlier to have it at home is too hard. In the car on the way home, I make a mental list of all the things I need to do when I get in, but that initial motivation often drains away the moment I sit down and the exhaustion of eight hours on my feet catches up with me. I struggle through my writing session, putting all my willpower into getting those words on the page. By 7:30, my brain is usually fried and I don’t have any more energy left to put into making it a late night writing session and I turn to YouTube for some mindless entertainment before turning in for the night, utterly drained.
It’s not exactly the picture perfect writing life that I aspire to. I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel like a fraud sometimes. So many other writers balance their day jobs and their writing projects so well. Why isn’t my passion for my writing strong enough to keep me glued to my keys until 2 in the morning? Why am I always so tempted by the lure of YouTube if I love my writing so much? Am I a real writer if I can’t keep hold of my motivation to write those words, no matter how tired I get? Sometimes it feels like everyone else has life figured and I’m the only one left struggling. It doesn’t matter that I’ve published two books I’m extremely proud of. It doesn’t matter that I’m on the verge of finishing a third. If I’m not doing everything I aspire to, if I’m not living up to the inspiration of all these other writers who seem more driven and more dedicated than me, it can feel like maybe I’m not a real writer.
I have a long way to go to find the system that works for me. Life has been unsettled in the last few months, and what was working so well for me at the start of the year no longer suits my current situation. I’m still trying to adapt to my new sense of normal, find the balance between work and writing. I work more hours a day, have less days off, and so less energy to put into my writing. I’m often stressed and exhausted. It’s no wonder my old systems and habits aren’t effective any more. But, despite all of that, I’m still pushing on in my own imperfect way. Because I do love writing with everything I have. Perfectionism is life’s great lie. I don’t have to be the perfect writer. I just have to keep moving forward. Those words that are so difficult to write in the evening, when my fingers hurt, and my head aches are as valuable as anything I write on my best days. Maybe even more so, because the effort it takes to hold fast and stick to it is so much greater.
If I’ve learned one thing recently, it’s that I can’t compare myself and my writing to anyone else. We’re all struggling with our own problems. We all work in different ways. My passion is as great as anyone else’s. I have to keep my eyes on my own work, keep looking for what works for me, and give myself grace on those imperfect days when I’m simply not able to achieve the progress and productivity that I aspire to. My progress every day might not be as much as I want it to be, but those imperfect steps are all I need. One foot in front of the other. That’s how writing gets done. Every day, I aspire to be a little closer to my goal than I was the day before, and that, to me, is enough.
Hello Imogen,
I could recommend you the book ‘Atomic Habits’. It shows how very little changes can have big impacts and it basically takes you by the hand on how to do it.