This year, one of the big things I’ve been working on, is not saying negative things about my own writing. I used to do this a lot, especially when talking to my friends. I would talk about how bad my writing was and how much of a disaster my books were, even on a good writing day. (Gosh I must have been insufferable). But I’ve been trying to change that, and to speak more positively about my writing, not only because I’ll be a less annoying writer, but also because speaking more positively makes me think more positively.
There’s a big difference between saying ‘I put in some more work on my messy first draft today’ and ‘my book is a disaster’. Everyone’s first draft is a mess. That’s a fact of writing. But your book very likely isn’t a disaster. However, if that’s all you’re saying about your book without ever saying anything positive, that’s so tiring for the people around you. No one wants to interact with that sort of negative influence.
Not only that, but the way you speak about your writing often becomes the way you think about it. Awesome writer Aimee Meester of the blog Feels Like Hope wrote an amazing post that really spoke to me, and is the majority of the reason why I’ve worked so hard to make this change. If you haven’t read it yet, you should absolutely check it out. But in this post she said:
“If you tell yourself something enough times, and if all you broadcast to the world is how much you hate your writing and your story and it’s just a mess and you’re no good, that’s what you’re going to start to believe 100% of the time.”
If you’re only talking about how bad your writing is, it starts to seep in. Those doubts you express to others are what creep in from the corners of your mind and set up residence in your head. If you talk negatively, you feel negative. And that’s sad, because you’re doing amazing things and you’re writing awesome stories. Do I really want to present myself as the sort of writer who doesn’t like their own writing? Wouldn’t I rather exude a deep passion for my own craft, and the things I create?
The first person who needs to love and support your writing is you. Yes, not every day is going to be the best. And sometimes you may need to reach out to other writers for support when writing gets hard. But if the majority of the things you say about your writing are negative, then maybe it’s time to make a change. Maybe it’s time to shift what you’re saying, and start changing the way you think. I no longer call my current project ‘my little book’ when I talk about it. For some people, saying that is like a term of endearment. and that’s wonderful. When I say it about my own writing, I’m trivialising my own work. So I refuse to say it. I should be proud of what I do, what I make.
I’ve been changing the way I speak about my own writing and my own books, because I want to be proud. I want to be confident. And I want to be a positive influence on the people around me. I want to pass on my intense love of writing through the things I say. I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I still complain far more than i should. But I’m trying, because I am a writer. I write because I love it. I love my books. And I want to share how excited I am about writing, how proud I am of my books, and how much being a writer means to me.
Have you ever thought about the effect our words can have on the way we think? Are there any words or phrases you tend to avoid when talking about your writing/books? What sort of image do you hope people get from talking to you? Let’s chat in the comments. I would LOVE to hear from you!
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This is such a good post! Something EVERYONE MUST READ O.O I agree 100% and love that quote from Aimee! Attitude is everything. If we constantly tell ourselves our books suck, we’re going to find it hard to edit because we’ve convinced ourselves deep down that we can’t make our books better, that we’ll always create a wreck. But that’s so untrue. I’ve been trying to be more positive with my books as well, and something that has helped me is writing a conversation pitch/mini blurb so I can easily and quickly tell others what my WIP is about. Before, I would either stumble through a horrible summary, or I would just say, “Haha it’s a mess.” But being able to explain my book in a clear and concise way has not only made me feel like a stronger writer, but has made me more directed and focused in the stories I craft.
Aw, thank you so much, Hannah. That is so sweet of you. I definitely think all writers need a reminder to be kind to themselves and their writing sometimes. It’s such a hard thing to believe in yourself and have confidence in your own work all the time. We need little reminders sometimes.
That is such a genius idea, preparing what you’re going to say about your book ahead of time so you don’t have to excuse your book. I love it!